Fight for quiet time.

I remember when I was raising kids that were somewhere between infants and toddlers, time was so weird. Even though I was able to stay at home with my kids for the most part, it felt like the time I had wasn’t really mine. In the beginning I would sleep at all times of day. The advice given was “you sleep when baby sleeps.” Showering daily was immediately placed into the category of optional, and I would run up and down the stairs for excersize because it seemed as though I just didnt have the time to get it in any other way.

I remember feeling like I was living in a whirlwind, not knowing where my next step would be or why I took my last step. As is motherhood in the beginning, I guess.

I’ve written previous posts on my hair smelling like hair when days have gone by without a wash, but there is a special kind of funk that new moms wear. Not only have news moms, myself included, not showered in 3 days but at any moment there could definitely be spit up in our hair or on occasion, a tiny speck of poop from a wipe that grazed our sleeve on the way into the trashcan while trying to hold baby safely on her changing table out of fear of baby falling off the table. After all what kind of mom let’s her child roll off a changing table? Not me of course…mine rolled off the bed. Twice. Totally different. But exactly the same.

Anyway, I’d say those days were rough. They were absolutely longer than 24 hours. For sure.

As they got a bit older my time was spent on other things, no more napping during the day because that time was now strictly dedicated to making food and cleaning it up. Again and again and again. Then we added crafts, play dough, trips to the park, playdates and library days. I remember taking my son to the park one day, he was maybe 3 years old. I saw him laying belly down, face one inch from the blades of grass looking intently into what seemed to be a bug village. Peeling back the blades of grass between his chubby fingers, I asked him what he was doing. He very plainly said “Well I’m going to see if this ladybug wants to play hide and seek.”

Of course. Of course that’s what you are doing. Because your entire job is to run me into the ground and then make me forget all of it in independent and sporadic magical moments like that, that make my heart full, give me instant cavities from your sweetness and immediately equals it’s all worth it a billion trillion percent.

But back to the time part. I remember outside of those intensely gratifying moments, feeling exhausted. I remember wishing for more time to do me. I remember feeling as if there was no time for me. No time to read my bible. No time to shower. No time to make phone calls or my bed or do laundry or eat adult food or make appointments or hang out with anyone or speak adult words in a row for multiple minutes. I just had to power through this chaotic time and time would settle eventually, I mean right?

There were multiple times during this season where I would talk with other women about how busy I felt and that I could not find time to read my bible. Sadly, I remember the majority of women I would speak to would say ” Don’t get down on yourself, it’s just a season, you’ll have time later.” And in the moment I honestly think those women were caring for me the best they knew how. But realistically, I have come to learn that they were giving me one of the worst pieces of advice or support a woman could give to a new mom.

In Matthew 6 verse 33, Jesus himself says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you.” In this chapter he is speaking about how we are so concerned that we will go without. He says instead of worrying about what will or will not happen, seek Godly things first. He goes on to say dont even worry about tomorrow for today today has enough worries of it own. So even in the weight of the worries of today, we are told to seek God in the midst of it.

In Luke chapter 5 verse 16 it says that Jesus frequently withdrew to pray. If you think of His circumstances, he was one of the busiest guys in town, yet he made it a frequent discipline to speak and listen to the Father. So busy, but not too busy for God.

Our circumstances do not create for us an exception to not connect with Him. Ever. I’m not sure when being busy crept it’s way into getting a pass for not reading our bibles every day. But it is a lie that I believed for possibly years. I believed I really was too busy, too tired. No one said “Kim, I know you’re tired but you do have 5 minutes that you can give to the Lord, and you need to commit to it.” It almost felt good that everyone was having pity on me, that I was in that stage. The time warp stage. The new mom stage. I was getting encouragement that this season would pass, and I would FEEL like I had time soon enough.

Wow. There is no time that is a good time to not connect with God through prayer and through His Word. No season that constitutes bypassing guideance from our Creator. We need to fight for time alone with God. Fight for it. Determine the minutes in our days that we will dedicate to strengthening our relationship with Him. Identify when we will seek Him, every day. We need to be committed to a start time, as if our life depends on it, because it does.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is very clear about not only about trusting the Lord but is specific to say ” do NOT lean on your own understanding” and if we are commanded to trust the Lord but refuse to meet with Him, we are left only within the confines of our own understanding of things. A very dangerous place to be.

I will say that the best remedy for not falling into the busy trap, is to surround yourself with people who understand the severity of connecting with God daily, and who will challenge your excuses when life is just too busy.

I wake up every day at 5am to meet with God. I have to. Some days I hate it. But I do it. And other days I can’t freaking wait to be with Him. He is my only source of real fuel, of discernment, of self control, of restraint, of courage, of kindness, of hope, of protection. Him alone.

Today’s Prayer Challenge:

Starting tomorrow, pick a time that you will meet with God. Set your alarm or schedule an appointment, as if it were a hair appointment (we all know all bets are off when that hair appointment comes, no body’s stopping you from that appointment!!) If your alarm goes off and it’s not a good time, then snooze it until you complete your time with Him. You may find that you really do have 5 minutes, but Satan has convinced you that you have been too busy. Take your day back.

Dear God, I pray that you would help direct my time to you. Show me where I have overlooked time that could be spent with you. God you provide all things, remind me that I can trust you with my time, above all else if I surrender it to you first. In Christ’s name, Amen

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